Hey Girl… Divorce Doesn’t Mean “Failure”

IMG_2479Ryan Gosling has a question for you, and he asked me to pose it in my blog this week:

“Hey girl… I hear your relationship ended… how do you feel about that?”

You see, Ryan knows that there are lots of different ways you could feel about that event. You could be relieved. You could be torn apart. You could be happy, like you just discovered that the skinny jeans trend is finally going to die (die, skinny jeans, die!!!).

imagesWise Ryan knows that divorce or breakups mean different things to different people. What did your breakup mean to you? Do you think that your relationship was a failure? You failed? He failed? She failed? You failed to work together?

Well, UGH. How does that story make you feel?

Whoah, whoah, whoah. Don’t get crabby! You’re right. I haven’t been divorced. But, I’ve had breakups. I even had a 6+ year committed live-in relationship that ended. Never for one minute have I ever believed that it was a failure. Why, you ask me? Well, let me ask you something in return:

How is choosing to love someone ever a failure?

Oh, now I’m making you really mad. You’re all like “But he didn’t love me back! But I loved her more! But they didn’t DESERVE my love!!!”

Listen, let me tell you something awesome: No one really knows that you love them until you tell them. So, you can just go ahead and love anyone you want! They never have to know! It’s so freaking great!!!

IMG_3127I love so many people that have no idea I love them. Darrell Scott, for sure. I am crazy about him. I’ve pledged my love to him a million times. He has no idea who I am. I also love lots of my coworkers. They have no idea. Maybe I will tell them in a creepy way, late night at the next Christmas party.

Alright, now you kids of divorced parents are still kind of mad. I have no idea what it’s like to have divorced parents. True. But, I have another question:

How could a relationship that produced you ever be a failure?

OK OK!!! Now you’re all freaking out and hate me. It’s ok, because I am secretly loving you over here. And FINE. I GIVE UP. You want to believe your relationship was a failure. Go right ahead.

IMG_2310By the way, here’s what failing in relationships means to me:

  • You opened your heart and tried
  • You were courageous and brave
  • You discovered who wasn’t a good fit
  • You felt BIG emotions… and survived

Dear courageous writers, you get to write your own story. You get to decide if your relationships were failures. You get to decide if you’re a failure. You get to sit and notice how all that failing feels.

But, maybe you want to write a new story and use a new metaphor. You want to decide what divorce means to you. For you, it could be a hibernation: a time of introspection and relief, a time to get to know who you are without another.

Or, divorce could be like the beginning of an amazing road trip, with Vitamin Water in your cupholder, a bag of Doritos on the passenger seat, and some Darrell Scott blasting on your radio.

No map. No plan. Only the delicious crunch of new beginnings.

Hey girl… how do you feel about that?

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9 thoughts on “Hey Girl… Divorce Doesn’t Mean “Failure”

  1. Sooo helpful this morning! You are the best and I am so glad to be subscribed to your blog. I keep sending it to friends too…I wonder if they are also subscribing.
    Keep it up Georgi (she said selfishly!). it’s like a mini coaching session…
    I love lots of random people too. And sometimes even pray for them. Some of them might be offended to know that…and maybe not. Who cares – it feels good to love.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS! As a divorced woman, I am always happy to see divorce (or being single) addressed. Like anything, the more we talk about it, the more we understand whatever the topic is.

    In this case, your ability to kindly (and humorously) point out how we are responsible for our thoughts is masterful and will serve many (including me). It’s always helpful for me to pause and reflect that how I define my (now ended) marriage, my divorce and my current situation are up to me. How do I want to define it? How do I want to feel when I think about it?

    Early on in my “ending my marriage-> finalizing divorce process”, I heard someone describe our lives as a book and the parts we move through as the chapters. This proved to be one of those “Aha” moments for me. Instead of adopting the common societal opinion that, to end a marriage before “death do us part” is a failure, I was able to hold on to the good chapters, learn from the more recent chapters, and look forward to reading future chapters.

    xoxo this uplifted and empowered my day! YAHOO U!

    Like

    • Susie! Thank you so much for your comment and your story. I love the chapter idea! Such a better metaphor, and there could even be a series! A trilogy! A lifetime of your greatest works. Ah, love it. XO and YAHOO U TOO!!! 🙂

      Like

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