Ryan Gosling has a question for you, and he asked me to pose it in my blog this week:
“Hey girl… I hear your relationship ended… how do you feel about that?”
You see, Ryan knows that there are lots of different ways you could feel about that event. You could be relieved. You could be torn apart. You could be happy, like you just discovered that the skinny jeans trend is finally going to die (die, skinny jeans, die!!!).
Wise Ryan knows that divorce or breakups mean different things to different people. What did your breakup mean to you? Do you think that your relationship was a failure? You failed? He failed? She failed? You failed to work together?
Well, UGH. How does that story make you feel?
Whoah, whoah, whoah. Don’t get crabby! You’re right. I haven’t been divorced. But, I’ve had breakups. I even had a 6+ year committed live-in relationship that ended. Never for one minute have I ever believed that it was a failure. Why, you ask me? Well, let me ask you something in return:
How is choosing to love someone ever a failure?
Oh, now I’m making you really mad. You’re all like “But he didn’t love me back! But I loved her more! But they didn’t DESERVE my love!!!”
Listen, let me tell you something awesome: No one really knows that you love them until you tell them. So, you can just go ahead and love anyone you want! They never have to know! It’s so freaking great!!!
I love so many people that have no idea I love them. Darrell Scott, for sure. I am crazy about him. I’ve pledged my love to him a million times. He has no idea who I am. I also love lots of my coworkers. They have no idea. Maybe I will tell them in a creepy way, late night at the next Christmas party.
Alright, now you kids of divorced parents are still kind of mad. I have no idea what it’s like to have divorced parents. True. But, I have another question:
How could a relationship that produced you ever be a failure?
OK OK!!! Now you’re all freaking out and hate me. It’s ok, because I am secretly loving you over here. And FINE. I GIVE UP. You want to believe your relationship was a failure. Go right ahead.
- You opened your heart and tried
- You were courageous and brave
- You discovered who wasn’t a good fit
- You felt BIG emotions… and survived
Dear courageous writers, you get to write your own story. You get to decide if your relationships were failures. You get to decide if you’re a failure. You get to sit and notice how all that failing feels.
But, maybe you want to write a new story and use a new metaphor. You want to decide what divorce means to you. For you, it could be a hibernation: a time of introspection and relief, a time to get to know who you are without another.
Or, divorce could be like the beginning of an amazing road trip, with Vitamin Water in your cupholder, a bag of Doritos on the passenger seat, and some Darrell Scott blasting on your radio.
No map. No plan. Only the delicious crunch of new beginnings.
Hey girl… how do you feel about that?