You Don’t Get That. Now What?

IMG_2332One night, on a heart-wrenching episode of “Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab,” (I loved it. What can I say? You can judge.) one of the celebrities in a group therapy session shared a tragic story about his abusive father. His recollections were interspersed with sobs, and tears started rolling down my face too. I wanted to reach through the TV and hug the guy so hard.

Then, when his story was over, Dr. Drew’s co-therapist, Bob Forrest, asked the guy, “So, what do you want?”

He said, “I just want to have a father that cares about me.”

At home, I nodded along. Of course! Of course he wanted that. My tears continued.

Bob replied, “Well, you don’t get that.”

I watched in horror, HORROR!, as Dr. Drew shook his head – nope – to affirm Bob’s statement. I thought, “What? Did he really just say…”

And then Bob said it again: “You don’t get that.”

The poor celebrity was in total shock. I was in total shock. Could Bob really be such a jerk?

He repeated again, and Dr. Drew continued to shake his head, as if the first two times weren’t enough: “You don’t get that. Now what?”

The question stunned the whole group. The silence lingered.

IMG_1940Now what?

You don’t get a different father. Now what?

The guy kept crying. The group kept crying. I kept crying. We were all slowly figuring it out.

Now what?

I want my mother to be a yogi earth mama instead of an intense stylish powerhouse. I want my father to still be alive to balance out my mom’s intensity. I want pretty much everyone on the planet to like me.

I want so much from other people. Sometimes, I am proud because I actually ask for it. Sometimes, I am sad because I nag people for it. And yet, I don’t always get it.

Why? Because people get to do whatever they want. No one has to behave the way I want them to behave. No one has to change to be the person I want them to be.

I don’t get that.

You don’t get that.

People get to do whatever they want.

We get to do whatever we want.

Now what?

4 thoughts on “You Don’t Get That. Now What?

  1. Wow, thanks for sharing this. I am going to put a NOW WHAT sticky note up in my office to remember this one. And I’m pretty sure everyone in the world loves you 🙂 Now what?


    • Erina! I love that vote of confidence. I’m pretty sure they love you too. Now what? I’m going to put that up in my office too, so we can create energetic links across the pond. 🙂


  2. So true! I had a particularly clear “I don’t get to have that” moment when I realized that I would never be able to make up for a series of losses I experienced as a kid. That I’d never “catch up” to other people regarding the ways the experiences hobbled me. The image of a bus dropping me off in the middle of a desert occurred to me. My “now what?” was the idea that I could either sit in the middle of the road and die complaining about how unfair it all was or get up and walk, hopefully toward something better. I chose to walk (and am glad I did), but having done it once, in a major way, doesn’t mean I don’t still need to repeat a mini-version of this insight & choice from time to time. Thanks for the reminder!


    • I love that image of getting up and walking toward something better. Yes! I always need to remind myself to just show up and put one foot in front of the other. 🙂


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