I Love That I’m Critical

frog-216331_960_720Hello, my name is Georgi. I can deconstruct, analyze, and optimize practically anything in a split second.

The word is critical. I’m a nonstop critic. Non. Stop.

Make it stop.

It doesn’t stop. The thoughts go on and on inside my head. They sharpen. Sometimes, they stab.

When I turned 40, I reflected on my blessed life: Overall, I was softening into my body and mind, letting them work together, becoming more compassionate, feeling so good and yet…

I hated my critical thoughts.

I wanted to get rid of them.

I wanted them to GO AWAY.

They stayed.

Then, I read Michael Singer’s book “The Surrender Experiment.” He wrote about the process of becoming mindful and then wanting his mind to BE QUIET.

Yes, Michael. Thank you! I can totally relate!

He tried to lock part of his frantic mind in a room and tell it to NEVER COME OUT.

Yes, Michael. Yes. I don’t want my critical thoughts to come out. I want to be a good person who thinks loving things. I am smart. I am full of love.

He goes on to write that one day, he realized that his mind did not like being trapped in a room and told to shut up. So, he decided to approach the part of himself that he had locked away and tell it, “You can come out now.”

castle-1290875_960_720Tears filled my eyes as I read. I realized I had been telling myself to SHUT UP for years. My mind didn’t like it either.

He says:

“I needed to learn to just relax inside instead of fighting with my mind so much. Just because the voice talks doesn’t mean I have to listen to it or let it affect the direction of my life. It has nothing to do with me- I can just relax regardless of what it’s saying. I was back to the basics: I am the one who notices the voice talking… I had to learn to channel those energies upward instead of pushing them away from me.”

This passage was a rainbow.

In my frantic desire for my inner critic to BE QUIET!, I forgot: The critic is a part of me… and every part of me deserves love.

I could open the door for myself.

You can come out now.

I can love that I’m critical. I can love that I’m trying to be mindful and working to be better. I can love myself for having such a hard time chilling out.

Really, when you think about it, it’s all so funny: A battle with self. A surrender to self. A truce.

Here’s the pot of gold: You know that thing about you that you don’t like? You know that thing about you that drives you crazy? It’s going to keep bothering you… until you learn to love it.

Beautiful reader: What do you find unloveable about yourself? What have you locked in a room and told never to come out?

It’s time to open the door. It’s time to surrender. It’s time to channel your energies upward, because you’ll never be able to push them away.

It’s time to accept your whole self, including all those parts you are trying to deny or hide.

Beautiful reader: Every part of you deserves love.

You can come out now.

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