You’re a Little Bitch


My mother used to be one knockout of a secretary in New York City who typed as fast as a hurricane, stayed one step ahead of everyone in the office, and deployed pantyhose and high heels and eyelash flutters to her utmost benefit.

When she was working, every time she changed jobs, they had to hire two women to take over her old job. She frequently turned down new job offers and marriage proposals, and ran with a group of carousing friends called the “Chitchat Club.”

People loved my mother (and still do).

Most people.

However, there was this one woman at work, Greta, who wasn’t so keen.

You see, my mom didn’t just put in her hours at work. She glittered. She rocketed past expectations. She floated around the office on a magic carpet getting things done.

Greta didn’t appreciate all that effervescence.

Greta was going to tell my mom what was really up.

So, one day, as my mom was happily complimenting someone in the office, Greta said, “Well, Fran, isn’t that such a nice thing to say.”

Michael_Kors_Keegan_Pump_Peep-Toe_High_Heel_mit_Korkabsatz_40S4KEMP1A_Lackleder_schwarz_(2)_(16444252016)My mom looked at her and paused. Greta continued, “But why don’t you just come off it now, because we all know that you’re a little bitch.

This is my favorite part of the story.

By the way, I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this story. It was on heavy rotation throughout my childhood. I can see Greta standing there. I can see my mother’s face, it’s like I have every facial expression in high definition running in my mind.

At this particular point in the story, my mother’s face slowly changes from Happy Fran to a stunning white tiger licking her whiskers.

So I said to Greta, “Well, Greta,” (unfolding frisky smile) “If I’m a little bitch, then you’re a Great. Big. Bitch.

And then, the most amazing thing happens. My mother bursts out laughing.

And then, Greta bursts out laughing.

And then, my mother and Greta become the best of friends.

Seriously. I can’t tell you how much I love this. I’ve heard it a million times, and I’m eagerly awaiting 1,000,001.

Here’s what I make of it:

Beautiful reader: Shine bright. Enjoy your life. Be the most amazing, smartest, most stylish, efficient, friendly, happiest version of yourself that you can be. But guess what? Some people might not like it. If that happens, don’t take it so seriously. Make it funny.

Recently, one of my friends told me that sometimes I am so much more positive about her life than she is, and she wants to slap me in the face.

Then she said, “I’m sorry. I don’t really want to slap you in the face.”

I laughed and laughed. I said, “I LOVE IT.”

I do. I love that. I am so positive about her life. It’s going to be amazing. I love her. And I love you. I know that the future is going to continue to surprise and delight us.

Yo Greta, you’re not going to bring me down.

There’s a tiger in me, and there’s a tiger in all of us. All of our lives are going to be amazing. Believe it. Feel your power. Purr. Lick your whiskers.

Get out on the hunt.

And while you’re at it, enjoy every beautiful moment, you little bitch.

white tiger


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