My friend is still sad about a breakup. He has been dating other people in the effort to “get over it.” In a revealing moment, he said:
“I mean, that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?”
I did not agree. I was immediately suspicious.
Who said that?
Who said you’re supposed to just “get over it”?
Who said you’re supposed to do things you don’t want to do?
Who gets to decide what you’re supposed to do?
Let’s face it. Let’s admit it. We all know the truth.
You can do anything you want. You call the shots.
It took me a long time, decades, to realize that there are no life police, and, as Elizabeth Gilbert says, there is no “Cultural Central Command.” No CCC.
Most of my life, I have lived in fear of some CCC that doesn’t exist.
No one is going to come to your door after a relationship and say, “Excuse me, I see that you haven’t been dating. We’re going to write you a ticket as a warning, but you really need to get on that soon. After all, THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO. And next time, there will be a fee. If you don’t start doing it, you will pay.”
My friend is hurting. He is covering that hurt by taking action that is causing him more confusion. He doesn’t feel good about the dates he’s had because he doesn’t really want to be on them. He is showing up sad.
I told him it’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to grieve. It’s ok to admit that he’s sad and ask for support. I told him that he gets to do whatever he wants to do with his life.
It’s his life.
And gorgeous you out there, you know what I’m going to say next: It’s YOUR LIFE.
Don’t let anyone “should” on you. Don’t let anyone tell you what you’re SUPPOSED TO DO unless you ask for their advice. Sure! Maybe there are some things you might want to try. Maybe there are some strategies that might help you. Maybe there is some wisdom to gain from seeking advice from people who love you.
Just remember: You are the author of your life story.
Beautiful, gorgeous, reader: You do you. Do you and create a life you feel good about. It’s a good idea to follow the laws, and yet THERE ARE NO LIFE POLICE. There is no CCC. There is no opinion more important than your own. This is your one, precious life.
You don’t need anyone else in your life to answer this question:
What do YOU want to do? Get quiet. Listen. Honor the answer.
Loving you out there. Even if I’m not supposed to. XO