Tell Her It’s OK. Over and Over and Over Again.

“My husband tells me that I shouldn’t be upset about things that happen at work. He never gets upset and he thinks I’m too emotional. He says that I should get over it.”

Does this happen to you? Do people tell you to cheer up? Get over it?

How does it feel when someone tells you not to feel the way you feel?

Chances are, on top of already feeling upset, now you’re embarrassed. Ashamed. Your gears start grinding. You fight back tears. Your brain locks up. Your heart races.

Good times, eh? Yeaaaahhhhh…

Then maybe, like the woman above, you go here next:

“And you know what??? He INFURIATES ME.”

Yeah. I get that. Couldn’t we see that coming?

When someone tries to silence you, chances are you’re gonna get louder.

Oh babe! The drama! Dude! What are you supposed to do??? 

I’ve got an idea:

Tell her it’s ok. Over and over and over again. 

You’re angry. You know what? That’s ok.

You are upset. I get that. That’s ok.

“It’s ok, babe. I understand. You’re upset and it makes sense. And it’s ok to feel that way.”

The sentence above? It’s called validation. It’s super easy to do. 

Tell her it’s ok.

Tell her you get it.

Tell her that her feeling, no matter what it is, is understandable and completely valid.

Eyeball to eyeball, I see you. Ear to ear, I hear you. Brain to brain, I understand you. Human being to human being, all your feelings are ok. I am going to sit with you in love and compassion. Always. Every time. Relentlessly. Patiently. Gladly.

Tell her it’s ok.

Are you sad today? I understand why. And it’s ok.

Are you frustrated right now? I understand that. And it’s ok.

Are you scared about the next step? That makes sense. And it’s ok.

Tell her it’s ok.

I’m simplifying this as a PSA to the partners of women I love, and yet it’s universal. All human beings want to be validated. We all want to know that our feelings are ok. 

We all want to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, to be loved.

And now, the truth you may not want to hear: It’s not his job to validate you. If he does, you have an amazing man that you should actively and vocally appreciate every day of your freaking life. Do that now.

It’s not anyone else’s job to validate you. Does it feel good when they do? Yes. Do they have to do that? No. Do they know how to do that? Maybe. Does the sight of a person you love feeling upset make your heart ache? Absolutely. Are you panicking because you can’t make the people you love feel better? Probably. Can you have compassion for everyone involved? I hope so.

Hey, boo, here’s the deal for the rest of your life: it’s you and you. 

You’re tired. And cranky. And sad.

Here’s what you’re going to do: Tell yourself it’s ok.

I’m angry. It’s ok for me to feel angry. 

I’m sad and embarrassed. It’s ok for me to feel that way. 

Tell yourself it’s ok.

Beautiful, gorgeous, reader: Guess who is the best partner in your life? Guess who is your most powerful supporter and lover? 

You. Telling yourself that it’s ok. You. Validating your own experience. You. Always, relentlessly, looking yourself in the eyes, listening to what you think and feel, loving yourself by telling yourself it’s ok. It’s even ok not to feel ok. Because that’s always ok. And you are ok. Remind yourself. Soothe yourself. Over and over and over again.

Loving you out there. You know that feeling you’re experiencing? I see that. I hear you. I understand. And it’s totally ok. XO

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