Are you sprinkling fairy dust and confetti on everyone and giving them endless pep talks? Maybe, like me, you think that is helping.
… Is it helpful? Are you helping?
In today’s blog journey, I’m thinking critically about when to comfort and cheer people. Come with me as I look at the light and dark of “cheerful” things.
I often think that there is no bad time for a pep talk. And yet, pep is not always needed. Neither is talk. Acceptance and silence are always options. Why not choose those? Maybe you don’t realize how helpful they are. Because you’re trapped in pep. And here are three reasons you may want to cool it on cheering people up:
1: You may be draining your creative energy
Your energy is beautifully generated in you to be guided toward your life passions. You are choosing how to direct your energy. Is being cheerful draining your energy? No? Then continue. Yes? Then stop and redirect people to the beautiful energy of professionals and coaches. YOUR energy is needed to create and fuel your passions.
2: If you’re cheering people up, they don’t learn how to cheer themselves up
Emotionally strong adults know that cheer is an internal job. If someone can’t calm themselves down and cheer themselves up, they need help and tools. Are you a happy enabler? You can’t do internal work for someone else. They have to learn to do it themselves. You wouldn’t buy vodka for someone with an alcohol problem. Choose not to spread cheer to someone with a chronic negativity problem.
3: If you think someone needs you to make them happy, you’re condescending and forgot about their power
People are fiery, awesome, balls of power. Don’t let them fool you. Did someone in your life forget about how powerful they are? Remind them. You are not better than they are at solving their problems. You have your own problems. Your energy needs to go towards your spiritual curriculum. So stay in your lane. Be the boss of you. Learn. Grow. Direct energy. Let other people be the boss of them. Encourage them to get help or get to work on turning their situation around for themselves.
Hey, dudes, listen. I am NEVER going to stop spreading the gospel of greatness to all my students and family and friends.
What I am going to stop is the urge to be awkwardly cheerful.
I am helped by the following knowledge:
If someone you love is experiencing extreme discomfort, there are professionals of all kinds who are the right people to help. If they are experiencing human levels of discomfort, nothing has gone wrong. We are brave human beings and and, through discomfort, we are all growing every day.
If someone you love is angry, they are being given an opportunity to find the power they’ve given away to someone else.
If someone you love is sad, they are learning to connect to others and ask for help.
If someone you love is jealous, they are learning to build self confidence.
All emotions are powerful messengers. Jeff Foster wrote:
“Once, I ran from difficult feelings
Now, they are my advisors,
And they all have a home in me,
And they all belong and have dignity.
In the depths of my wounds,
In what I had named “darkness,”
I found a blazing light
That guides me now in battle.
I became a warrior
When I turned towards myself.”
Beautiful, human, caring, wanting to cheer reader: If people turn toward you, never stop encouraging and cheering them on. But remember, every time, the best thing you can ever do is encourage people to turn towards themselves. Be curious about themselves and compassionate about themselves and mindful of their thinking and their behavior.
Turn toward their fiery, awesome power.
Loving you out there. Turn towards you. Become a warrior. XO