A Tool For When People Judge You

Real Housewives is my guilty pleasure. SO MUCH EXAGGERATED DRAMA and judgment. Since I am a PhD in Communication, and a certified life coach, I also hear life-sized judgement unfolding in my classrooms and when I listen to other people’s stories.

This is totally human. 100% natural. Eckhart Tolle went so far as to say “All thought is judgement.” Judgement is what our brains do on a never-ending loop. It will never stop as long as you live and breathe.

I am a constant judging machine, all day long, and I hear other people’s judgements all day long.

And so, it pays to be curious about judgements.

It dawned on me the other night. Such a simple and beautiful realization. Very Byron Katie:

Whenever people start speaking their judgements, for good or bad, you can look at them in love, breathe deeply and try this:

Change the pronouns.

“She is so mean. She is trying to ruin my life” becomes I am so mean. I am ruining my own life.

“She doesn’t care about me” becomes I don’t care about me.

“He needs to take responsibility for his actions” becomes I need to take responsibility for me.

“He is so fun to be with” becomes I am fun to be with.

“She has such a great smile!” becomes I have a great smile.

Human beings are all the same. We want to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, to be loved.

Here is the danger… We try to outsource these needs.

We try to get stuff from other people.

We create drama trying to control other people.

We don’t see that we can stop and breathe and simply do this:

Change the pronouns. Then apply self-compassion and love. Then make the changes in you.

Beautiful, judgmental, human reader: Where are you creating drama in your life? That situation is the most beautiful teacher you have ever met. Look at yourself with love, breathe deeply, and listen to your judgements. 

Change the pronouns. Be relentlessly curious, compassionate, forgiving, and loving. Take your power back.

I’m loving you out there. I think you’re amazing. Do you see how I can also turn that judgement around? Feels great to us all. XO

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