You Are Lying, Your Body Is Not

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When people aren’t telling you the truth, you will feel it.  You don’t have to argue it or try to catch them in a lie, you can just feel that what they are saying isn’t right.

We lie easily with words.

Our bodies don’t lie.

Wisdom is physical.

One of the key communication concepts I teach people is that, if their nonverbal and verbal communication do not match, people will believe their bodies. Without an incredible amount of control, when you lie, your body shows stress signals, changes vocal tone, alters blink rates, and makes your eye contact unnatural.

Not that anyone is easily able to notice these things.

We feel them.

brown-518324_960_720We wouldn’t say, “Joe was looking straight at me when he lied, and then afterwards, he started blinking furiously.” Only the nerdiest of communication nerds might notice this. Only a CIA trained agent might notice this. The rest of us feel it.

Lying feels weird.

Our bodies know lies. When you become close to people, you feel them, and you know them, and you know when something is not right. No words need to be exchanged.

So here’s the weirdest thing: We try to lie to other people and even try to lie to ourselves. Our bodies hate it.

When you lie to yourself, it physically manifests in all kinds of tension, aches, pains, and frustrations.

You deserve to feel good. You deserve to be free of pain. You deserve the truth.

Wisdom is physical. Get quiet. Relax. Check in with your body.

Hey boo, you have a deep physical wisdom. Isn’t that cool? Isn’t it amazing? Listen to it. Let it guide you. Tell yourself the truth.

treatment-1327811_960_720-2Tell yourself the truth about your desires. Tell yourself the truth about your joy. Tell yourself the truth about what makes you feel good. Tell yourself the truth about where you want to go. Tell yourself the truth about the people in your life.

Beautiful bodied, intelligent, instinctual creature reader: Your body is telling you the truth. Align your physical and mental states. Have fun dropping the spoken lies and embracing the deep wisdom of your life.

Ever talk to someone who tells the truth? Ever been in the presence of someone who follows their truth? It’s incredible. It’s sexy. It’s charismatic and magnetic. It’s alignment. It’s power.

Do it. Follow your guidance. See how it feels.

Loving you out there. Tell the truth.

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If You’re Moving Fast, Look Forward

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Last weekend, I sat in a small ducky boat and paddled through whitewater rapids. I didn’t spend a lot of time looking behind me, because the current was moving fast and I wanted to be prepared for the next rapid ahead.

I looked forward.

Here’s something that race car drivers don’t spend a lot of time doing: Looking in their rear view mirrors.

Here’s something that Tour de France cyclists don’t have: rear view mirrors.

Here’s something that ski racers don’t have: rear view mirrors.

When you are moving fast, you spend little time looking behind you.

Watch the leaders you admire.

Leaders look forward.

nascar-804276_960_720Great leaders do not get stuck on thinking, “I wish I had made a different decision. I wish I hadn’t done that. I wish I hadn’t said that. I still feel so bad about that.”

Leaders learn from their choices and re-engineer. They recalibrate. They reassess. They become more efficient, more creative, more innovative, more successful. They are grateful for their failures because of how much they learn from them.

Leaders acknowledge the past and learn from it. Then, they get off those past pain points and move forward.

What if hundreds of people were following you? Where would your focus be? Would you spend a lot of time looking back to regret or complain? 

You are the leader of your life.

Leaders are relentless in their focus: they focus forward.

We are constantly, endlessly, beautifully moving forward in life.

Whether we like it or not.

Do you like it?

When I was in that boat last weekend with my friend headed down whitewater, it made no sense to paddle upstream. We looked ahead. We scouted the line. We made a plan and went forward. We went fast and had a great time.

Gorgeous, courageous, intelligent reader: That time you are spending looking back may be keeping you from where you want to go. You aren’t headed backwards. You are going forward.

Point your boat forward. See where you want to go. Dream where you want to go. Imagine where you could go. Choose a line. 

Oh wow. I see it too. An exciting path with beautiful scenery up ahead.

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I Think I’m Amazing

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Me trying to look amazing at Round Valley and instead looking like I’m picking my nose.

“Wow, Georgi,” my sister Kate said, “You’re amazing. I can’t believe you’re going to run 26 miles.”

“Thanks,” I said, because I do think I’m amazing, “but it’s possible for most people to do it. It just takes time. You could do it too.”

I’m going to run a marathon next month.

Truth bomb: I don’t think running a marathon is  that amazing. Lots of people have done it. Many, many, times. Probably many of you reading this have run one. Or a bunch.

Don’t get me wrong, I am excited to do it and I’ll be super happy with myself for finishing it, but before the marathon even starts, I will think I’m amazing, and no matter how it ends, I will think I’m amazing.

I think I’m amazing.

If you think I’m not amazing, I have to say, “Ummmm…. Have you MET ME??? I’m amazing.”

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How I look after running 15 miles. Maybe not so amazing. Kind of gross, in fact.

There is nothing anyone could do to convince me that I’m not amazing.

Do you think you’re amazing? Do you realize that it’s your choice to believe that or not?

Guess what? I think you’re amazing. All of you. And if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know where I’m going next…

Even though I think you’re amazing and tell you over and over that you are amazing, it doesn’t matter what I think, because you will sink and rise to the level of your own thoughts.

Think you’re stupid? You’ll feel anxious and make careless mistakes.

Think you’re unattractive? You’ll hide in the corner and not notice people checking you out.

Think you could never run a marathon? You won’t.

You will sink or rise to the level of your own thoughts.

Meanwhile, I am over here, constantly thinking that you are amazing.

Why am I so sure that I’m amazing? Because I choose to believe it, and I practice that thought.

I’m a woman. My body cycles with the freaking moon. That’s amazing.

I can run. I have total range of motion. That’s amazing.

I can smile at someone and they usually smile back, because deep down we all want to smile at each other. That’s amazing.

I get to be a teacher. It’s totally amazing.

I get to share ideas with cool people. Amazing.

The sun rises every morning and I don’t worry about it. Amazing.

This life is amazing. This planet is amazing. Animals are amazing. Children are amazing. The sun and the moon do a dance with each other and eclipse each other at the perfect distance and time.

Amazing.

Gorgeous, living, breathing, beautiful human being: You are AMAZING. Practice believing that thought. Practice believing that about everyone else too. Look for the most amazing things in your day and give so much thanks that you saw them. With your amazing eyes. The ones that soothe your friends and turn on your lover. Those gorgeous, gorgeous, eyes.

I see you, boo. I love you. I think you’re amazing.

What are you thinking? What do you practice? Pay attention.

Choose to be amazed.

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Smokey the Bear trying to make a move on me. Thought he could get away with it! Amazing.

 

This is What it Sounds Like When Adults Cry

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You don’t care about me.

You aren’t listening to me.

Leave me alone.

I can’t say the right thing.

If you loved me, why would you do that?

I did this for you and you don’t appreciate it.

This is what it sounds like when adults cry.

When you add the visual, it can look sad, and it could also look scary: loud voices, pointed fingers, aggressive staredowns. Violence. It’s hard to witness adults crying. But breathe and listen closely: Beneath all the cries of human beings is pain.

All people in pain desire relief from suffering.

mma-2282013_960_720Sometimes shouting and yelling is the best that a human being can do to relieve suffering. You might not like that news. See if it is fake or true in your experience.

I choose to believe that all human beings are doing the best they can from where they are. And sometimes, that looks and sounds terrible. And you certainly don’t need to stick around for that kind of behavior from anyone.

But you know what? I have a PhD in communication and I have screamed at people. I have ignored people. I have criticized people and made jokes about people that have hurt their feelings. I have acted superior. I have been condescending and mean.

All of that was pain and fear.

Compassion is sympathy and a desire to help others relieve their pain. It is not taking on other people’s emotions or fixing their lives for them. 

My friend sitting across from me listening to me cry and staying calm and offering me love and soothing words is compassion. Telling the adults that you love that they need to take care of themselves is compassion. Teaching people to be mindful of their thoughts and the stories they are making up in their minds is compassion. Taking great care of yourself so you can be a loving parent and coworker and friend is compassion.

The work of peace is being compassionate with yourself and others. The work of peace is knowing and teaching that there is a better, less painful, way to think and there is always a better, less painful, way to express your desires and needs.

Gorgeous reader, beautiful human, courageous listener: Many people think that adults should not cry. And yet, they do. And we do. And we have a choice about how to respond to ourselves and others.

What would it sound like if you chose compassion?

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John Ward Says That’s Nice

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The guy playing guitar in North Dakota wasn’t expecting me to sing harmony, but I came in at the beginning of Angel from Montgomery a third above him and continued the whole song. He didn’t know that he was singing my friend Maria’s signature song, and Maria and I love to trade harmonies back and forth like funny stories.

Angel from Montgomery is the soundtrack of some of the best times in my life. So many beautiful singers, guitarists, banjos, mandolins, and ukuleles have walked in and out of my heart to the tune of John Prine. Extraordinary nights flash in my memory full of people I love singing, listening, smiling.

Sometimes, when my heart is broken, I forget to sing.

Last weekend, in North Dakota, I found myself in a tiny house playing music with old friends and a new friend who wasn’t expecting my harmony or vocal embellishments.

With each unexpected sound, he gave a slight smile.

And then the song was over.

And then, John Ward smiled and said, “That was nice.”

For some reason, it almost broke my heart.

It was nice.

Things have not been all nice for me lately. It’s been a hard time. We all have them.

When you’re having a hard time, sometimes three happy minutes are really nice. When everyone is singing and smiling together. When people appreciate you. When you realize that it’s so much better to be with people who love you than to sing a sad song without a harmony.

flash-2568381__340John Prine wrote that if dreams were lightning and thunder was desire, this old house would have burned down a long time ago.

That sounds about right to me.

And yet, I wake up and I’m still here. I haven’t burned down. I often don’t know what I’m supposed to do next.

So I go to Bismarck, North Dakota with my best friends. Meet people and children and baby farm animals. Dance and sing harmony with new friends. Remember that, while I am having a hard time, I also have good times, and there are going to be many more.

Despair feels terrible. But, when you come out of despair for a song, it reminds you to keep singing. It reminds you that we all see and feel the lightning and thunder.

It reminds you that, when you’re in a storm, it’s easier to weather it with people you love.

Life, hard times, good times, and music are all better together.

And, as John Ward says, that is nice.

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What if You Refused to Find Faults?

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As I ended the song on the piano, my father burst into applause.

“Hooray! That was beautiful.”

It wasn’t.

Has anyone ever complimented you and you didn’t feel like you deserved it?

My stumbling song was far from perfect. There were accidental accidentals, labored pacing, and way too much heavy pedal blurring the tones together.

Uhhhhhhhh… it was a truly mediocre performance.

And yet there was my dad with a sensational smile on his face.

Ridiculous. So ridiculous. I used to think he was SO ridiculous.

How could he love what I had done when I hated it? Why was he clapping for all those missed notes?

Ridiculous.

In 18 years, I never remember hearing a word of criticism come from my father’s lips. Now that he’s gone, all I remember is him constantly thinking that I was the best thing he’d ever set eyes on. And it was the best feeling in the whole world.

What if you refused to find fault in someone?

Now that I’m a grown up, hundreds of people have criticized the way I look and act and do my job. Performance reviews, unsolicited advice, random comments on the street, so many people who are willing to chime in on my life.

Throughout school, I have also been trained to be a sharp critic. At work, I am surrounded by experts at criticism. I am beginning to think that maybe we are the ridiculous ones.

LOVERSGONNALOVEWhy?

Because the most helpful people in my life have always been the lovers.

Think about it. Do critics inspire you? Who inspires you?

I bet it’s a lover. Lovers are going to love. Lovers are going to find the best in you.

What if you refuse to find fault in others? 

Oh, boo, I know this is making some of you uncomfortable. I am not great at suspending judgement either. You want to teach. You want to guide. You criticize because you want to be HELPFUL.

BUT GUESS WHAT???

People are running their faults through their heads every day like vampire computer programs draining their energy and joy. People are criticizing themselves to the point where they are terrified to engage with other people. People really don’t need criticism.

PEOPLE NEED LOVE. BE A LOVER. LOVE.

Imagine it!

What if you looked at people and saw them as perfect? What if you listened to adults in your life like they were little children sitting at the piano, struggling, searching for notes, trying so hard to please you?

What if, no matter what someone offered you, you were grateful? Because they shared it with you? Because they offered you a bit of their heart?

Beautiful reader: What if you refuse to find fault this week? What if, this week, you try to love others, no matter what? What if you believe that people are doing the best they can? And… What if, this week, you refuse to find fault in yourself? Could you find only the good? 

I’m talking about unconditional love. Love without condition.

If you have experienced it, you know how wonderful it feels. If you have a dog, you get it.

But hey, gorgeous human, it’s never too late to be a human lover. It’s never too late to be a human who loves humans.

Hey, boo, I’m challenging you this week: Refuse to find a single fault in anyone. See how it feels. 

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It’s OK to Not Be OK

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If you woke up today sad or angry or worried, that’s ok.

It’s all ok.

Whatever you feel, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day is ok.

You are ok.

Gorgeous reader out there: I’m telling you that it’s ok to not be ok.

It’s all ok.

You are angry. That’s ok.

Sometimes, I fight my anger. I’m angry and I want to be compassionate. I want to be loving. I feel sad and guilty because I’m angry.

UUUUGGGGGGGGhhhh. Can you relate to this ridiculousness?

Fighting your feelings is like punching yourself in the face. It’s like taking a knife and stabbing your hand. That’s what it’s like to try and reject how you feel. You get beat up. You bleed.

There is no need for that. Make peace with yourself. How? FEEL HOW YOU FEEL.

You feel like crap. Feel crappy. Allow it. Let it be ok. Notice how it doesn’t last forever. It comes and it will go.

eye-211610_960_720You don’t see pictures of people feeling crappy on Facebook, but we all do. I sometimes cry in my Subaru on the way home from teaching. I cry on my purple yoga mat in savasana. I scream into the phone. I stare at trees and listen to doves coo and do not want anyone around me because I’m trying to calm down.

Do you feel sorry for me? Ashamed for me? Or have you been there too?

Yeah, that’s what I thought. If you’re human, you’ve been there.

It’s ok to not be ok.

You are where you are and you feel what you feel.

No feeling is permanent.

You will get back to ok again. You will take a journey. There will be lessons learned.

Gorgeous, emotional, beautiful reader: We have emotions like the moon has phases. We have good days and bad days like the sun rises and sets. We experience all feelings like leaves change colors. We journey from sad to happy. Frustration to joy. Anger to love.

Hey boo, sometimes you’re ok and sometimes you’re not ok.

Wherever you are, you are beautiful. Whatever you feel, it won’t last forever. Whatever is going on, it’s totally ok.

If you feel stuck in not ok, it’s ok to get help. It’s ok to call a friend or a hotline. It’s ok to do what you need to do to feel better.

It’s all ok.

It’s ok to not be ok.

Loving you out there. Even if you’re not ok.

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